From Ukraine, With Love...

I’m sure you’ll have guessed by now, given the tone of my previous 3 blogs, that I am nothing if not an immense pessimistic. Thus, in my snug little cynical world, the idea of soul mates and everlasting love is nothing short of ludicrous. We live in a world with a population of 6,973,738,433 (or so claims the World Bank), around 50.3% of which is made up of men. And yet I met my boyfriend because we both live in the same city and, at one time, we both worked in the same workplace. And there are an enormous amount of couples who meet like this on a daily basis. Are they each other’s soul mate?  Do I think my boyfriend is mine? Of course I fucking don’t. How could he be? And yet I stay with him, day in, day out, while the real love of my life hunts for me hopelessly and desperately throughout his office situated somewhere on the outskirts of Ukraine. ‘I’m here, Oleksandr!! Come get me!!’

So is the problem that we are not searching hard enough for our potential everlasting love? Are we simply giving up too early and choosing to settle too soon? If one day we find ourselves standing at the alter and taking our vows of til death do us part, when we say ‘I do!’, are we actually groaning ‘You’ll do.’?

We are all riddled with flaws. I cannot deny that there are aspects of boyfriend that I would like to change. He can be stubborn and selfish, and sometimes I find myself wishing he would kiss me more, or hold my hand more often. He also has the worst feet I have ever seen and some stray black hairs on his back that he refuses to let me pluck out. We’re all searching for that ‘perfect person’, but if my boyfriend changed all these aspects of himself, surely I would simply seek out more faults (and more hairs). Am I being unfair? Evidently I’m not perfect either, and (as far as I’m aware anyway) he isn't currently composing a blog depicting all of my numerous imperfections. When, then, do we stop desiring more from someone, and learn to accept them for who they are, awful feet and all? If we choose to believe the hype, and there really is only one perfect person out there for each of us, does this mean we must hunt through over 3 billion men in order to find ‘the one’?! If we consider this, in addition to taking the phrase ‘nobody’s perfect’ as a given truth, then surely our lifelong search for them is doomed to failure before it has even truly begun.

Have you ever almost given up on your relationship, so composed an incredibly drunken list of the pros and the cons of your partner? ‘Fairly wealthy? Pro. Likes to tuck penis between legs and dress up in bras? Definite con.’ Maybe this is what people do pre-marriage proposal. If the good outweighs the bad, then they settle. And if they’ve already purchased an incredibly expensive ring before composing this list? Might as well go ahead with it regardless then! No turning back now.

As it stands in my cynical little world, I’m still composing a mental list of the pros and cons of marriage, and have so far failed to find any advantages whatsoever ( though I accept that everyone has a different slant on this argument.) My boyfriend, on the other hand, despite his hideous feet and the fact that he weighs about 2 stone less than I do (!), has many more pros on his list. He is an optimist to combat my pessimism, one of the all-round happiest people I’ve ever met, easy to talk to and a lot of fun to spend time with. He also gives incredible head and is, without a doubt, the best sex I’ve ever had. And, for some completely unfathomable reason, he loves me too. My apologies, Oleksandr, but it seems that, for now, you will have to continue your search of Ukraine. I’m staying right here with him. 

This blog is dedicated to N****,

Because we have been going out for a year today.
Thank you,
I never thought it was possible to love somebody like this xxx